Will the 'Nice Guy' ever get the girl?

[manchorito]

I was told somewhere that "you don't need to be an asshole to get a girl, if you keep being nice, eventually you will get the girl"... but I'm slowly starting to disagree with this over my past history...

does anyone feel the same? has anyone here proven the statement above?

[MOBLEYC57]

I find that when you look at the nice guy, and then put a definition to him, the definition is not nice guy, it's WUSSY!

NICE GUY: noun (1) WUSSY (2) NON-WUSSY

And, yes, the nice guy will get the girl, but it won't be nice guy number (1) ... not for long, anyway. :think:

[lordcrazyd]

younger girls typically don't want nice guys. That slowly fades I've heard when women get older... I've been the nice guy for to looong and been pushed around by girls..
Not anymore,.....

[Marlboro_man]

You can be nice as you want and still get the girl, you just can't be a wuss. What's that mean? You can be chilvarous, polite with manners, and respectful however don't give in to their every whim and pull back a little. THis will take you far in life.

[DrSmellThis]

Oh no. Not this old debate again. :run:

[belgareth]

Same old debate, Doc. It will never end because about the time one group gets it the next group is just starting to re-invent dating and seduction.

There's a huge difference between being a nice guy and letting people (women) walk all over you. I can assure you that a true nice guy can and will get as many women as he can handle providing he takes care of the other things like hygene and grooming. Being nice doesn't mean allowing others to walk on you. It means being polite and well mannered and treating people with decency and respect. To work, it means being self assured enough to walk away from women that want to play games. If you are allowing yourself to be being pushed around or taken advantage of, you are being a wuss not a nice guy.

In reality, being a self confident nice guy may get more women than most other approaches. The reaction from a woman when she starts the teasing games and you politely excuse yourself to go talk to another woman or some guy is great. Some get angry, others confused but most are so startled they don't know how to react. Making it plain that you refuse to play the games takes all the control away from them without ever resorting to asshole or wuss tactics. In my experience, they end up trying a lot harder to get my attention.

Mobley,

I agree that it applies to wimps, wusses and other lower life forms but not to true gentlemen in the majority of cases. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules without exceptions. Overall, I've found being above all the seduction games has got me more sex and better relationships than my friends who use the asshole approach.

[MOBLEYC57]

You said it, Bel. Tis all about YOU being in control (NON-WUSSY :thumbsup: ), and not being controlled (WUSSY:whip: ). Annnnd, it's done without changing a facial expression.

[belgareth]

You said it, Bel. Tis all about YOU being in control (NON-WUSSY :thumbsup: ), and not being controlled (WUSSY:whip: ). Annnnd, it's done without changing a facial expression.It can also be done while smiling slightly or even with a chuckle. I have a reputation for being amused most of the time, some people tell me I seem to be quietly laughing at the world. No matter what my reasons, projecting the image of being amused at their games destroys the whole thing for them. That type of women really don't like to be laughed at.

[culturalblonde]

I don't necessarily think being a nice guy is the same as being a wimp (or wuss).

If you are using "nice guy" to get the girl then you need to reassess yourself and find out why you must play this role. Find out what kind of girl is BEST FOR YOU. Or do you keep falling for the same kind of girl? Don't stop being a nice guy, but do stop trying to be the "nice guy" to get the girl.

“if you keep being nice, eventually you will get the girl” I doubt it. Because the longer you spend time with a girl as a friend, buddy, “nice guy”… etc. that is how she will perceive you. The sooner you tell the girl that you are interested in her, the sooner you will know how far you can go with the relationship. If she’s not interested, don’t take it personal… move on.

[Surreal]

according to my personal experiences I notice girls want the man to take control of the situation. They want control 20% of the time, if you give it to them when they want it then you are a nice guy. Just learn how to take control the other 80%.

In other words..... wear the daddy pants.

[Holmes]

In other words..... wear the daddy pants.

Do they have those at Target?

[belgareth]

according to my personal experiences I notice girls want the man to take control of the situation. They want control 20% of the time, if you give it to them when they want it then you are a nice guy. Just learn how to take control the other 80%.

In other words..... wear the daddy pants.
Never give over control to anybody. Compromise, but always make it clear that you are doing so because you have choosen to. Always be in charge of yourself and what you do. Never accept anything else. That isn't meant to say that you need to control anybody else, only that nobody can do that to you. You make your own decisions. It can be done in a quiet, calm and gentlemanly manner while remaining firm. You'll be surprised how much respect that will earn you over time.

[Surreal]

^^^^ agreed.

control was a bad choice in words. Perhaps "assertive" would have been better.

[belgareth]

Anybody can assert all they want. Just so long as you always remember who is in charge of you it really makes no difference who is assertive when. You still do and think what you decide. Once people figure it out it makes life a lot simpler.

[MOBLEYC57]

according to my personal experiences I notice girls want the man to take control of the situation. They want control 20% of the time, if you give it to them when they want it then you are a nice guy. Just learn how to take control the other 80%.

In other words..... wear the daddy pants.To me, the nice guy (non wuss) wears the daddy pants, but without publisizing it. Mobley is a WUSS and a NON_WUSS ... I have no problem with MY woman running things, IF she runs it without disrepecting me. I call it alleviating worries/problems ... the BOOK says not to do that, but I think it CAN be done, depending on the situation. Once they cross the line, I take over, and if that's a problem, the discussion of which road she plans to travel when she leaving, is discussed.

I don't disrepect, I won't be disrepected. I don't cheat, I won't be cheated on. Tis a tuff deal to have to play games. I rather play, how to get in my lady's panties, in 50 seconds or less. :box:

Every woman/man that said they have never/will never cheat on their mate, meant it when they said it. The outcome is a whole new story. There's always those two ways to handle the situation ... the WUSS-WAY, and the NONWUSS-WAY. Who's to say what's WUSS, and what's not? Depends on which/who's definition you use. :wave:

[belgareth]

To me, the nice guy (non wuss) wears the daddy pants, but without publisizing it. Mobley is a WUSS and a NON_WUSS ... I have no problem with MY woman running things, IF she runs it without disrepecting me. I call it alleviating worries/problems ... the BOOK says not to do that, but I think it CAN be done, depending on the situation. Once they cross the line, I take over, and if that's a problem, the discussion of which road she plans to travel when she leaving, is discussed.

I don't disrepect, I won't be disrepected. I don't cheat, I won't be cheated on. Tis a tuff deal to have to play games. I rather play, how to get in my ladies panties, in 50 seconds or less. :box:

Every woman/man that said they have never/will never cheat on their mate, meant it when they said it. The outcome is a whole new story. There's always those two ways to handle the situation ... the WUSS-WAY, and the NONWUSS-WAY. Who's to say what's WUSS, and what's not? Depends on which/who's definition you use. :wave:
Don't need to publicise it who wears the daddy pants. You've got the right way to do it.

Cheat? Why cheat? If you aren't satisfied with the lady you're with, get out, leave. Why disrespect the lady and yourself?

[MOBLEYC57]

Don't need to publicise it who wears the daddy pants. You've got the right way to do it.

Cheat? Why cheat? If you aren't satisfied with the lady you're with, get out, leave. Why disrespect the lady and yourself?Bel, I like you more and more, each time I read your posts. No one :nono: can say you're not of human tissue! :box:

My bad on putting that S in publicizing. Don't know who invited it in there! :blink:

[belgareth]

Thanks, Mobley. It's mutual. You sound like one of the good guys.

I do have my own way of seeing the world though. :blink:

It has to do with a weird combination of upbringing, training experience and self directed study. In the end, the mix allows me to control my environment and relationships towards a happy life and that's what matters most. It sounds like you do much the same thing.

Actually, I'm really a horrible old lecher who specializes in seducing cute younger women in the hopes they'll stay and care for me in my dotage. :twisted: I'm even working on starting a harem. All the rest is made up as I go along. :)

[Marlboro_man]

Actually, I'm really a horrible old lecher who specializes in seducing cute younger women in the hopes they'll stay and care for me in my dotage. :twisted: I'm even working on starting a harem. All the rest is made up as I go along. :)
Now thats funny!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: But in all reality if you read what we all said from an objective point of view, you will see that we all mean the same thing, but use different diction. It's simply put worry about your self and be confident and the rest will fall in place.

[belgareth]

Now thats funny!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: But in all reality if you read what we all said from an objective point of view, you will see that we all mean the same thing, but use different diction. It's simply put worry about your self and be confident and the rest will fall in place.
Sounds like a great retirement plan to me!

Pretty much, we are saying the same things. If you'll go back through the forum you'll find, as DST mentioned, that this is a very old topic. For some reason some people always want to misconstrue what we say about being a self confident gentleman to mean "Let women walk all over you". Not sure how they get that. I think it's in part because they get sucked into all the published nonsense about using control and dominance to get laid more often.

[culturalblonde]

Mine was sort of different. I was trying to make a point about "past history." If one is seeking another using the the "nice person" approach, then yes, there is some lack of confidence. But there is something about this person causing them to loose confidence (beauty, intelligence, social status...etc.) On the other hand, if this is repeated over time, then the person is being attracted to a certain type of person with characteristics that are similar to someone possibly in their past. This type of behavior needs to be put into check. Example: A person who claims that all their past relationships have been the same.

[belgareth]

Your right. Somebody once pointed out that men and women both tend to get involved with the same type person time and again and end up the same way time and again. You'd think that after being burned a time or two they would figure it out. Some do but the majority don't seem to.

[MOBLEYC57]

Your right. Somebody once pointed out that men and women both tend to get involved with the same type person time and again and end up the same way time and again. You'd think that after being burned a time or two they would figure it out. Some do but the majority don't seem to.That pretty much sums it up, Bel. About 3 years ago, I had a female friend that said to me, "I keep ending up with jerks!" My response, with a smile, "Honey, you don't get it. You are attracted to jerks."

Normally, everyone's gets the jerk lable when things don't go their way, no? :blink:

[belgareth]

Normally, everyone's gets the jerk lable when things don't go their way, no? :blink:
Ain't that the truth?

I remember sitting in court listening to my ex-wife testify when we were fighting over custody of my daughter. I was appalled at what a monster I was! I'm surprised they didn't chain me to the wall in the deepest, darkest, dampest dungeon they could find. What a terrible person I am, I'm so ashamed!

[MOBLEYC57]

I remember sitting in court listening to my ex-wife testify when we were fighting over custody of my daughter. I was appalled at what a monster I was! I'm surprised they didn't chain me to the wall in the deepest, darkest, dampest dungeon they could find. What a terrible person I am, I'm so ashamed!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :run:

[a.k.a.]

I once read an article in an alternative women’s magazine (Bust) which basically said: Nice guys start out by making you feel special and end up breaking your heart. Whereas with jerks you can always keep your emotional distance, and you never have to feel guilty about dumping them.

[MOBLEYC57]

I once read an article in an alternative women’s magazine (Bust) which basically said: Nice guys start out by making you feel special and end up breaking your heart. Whereas with jerks you can always keep your emotional distance, and you never have to feel guilty about dumping them.
:type: If you look at the nice guy sit-cha-tion, and look at the jerk sit-cha-tion, to me, it's the same thing. :sick: It's the woman's view, but either or, if it's not in the minds of both to make the relationship work, someone's gonna get hurt/ego crushed.

Nice guy breaks your heart -vs- never feeling guilty about dumping THEM/him.

Their both good excuses though ... for a female that's not really wanting to be/stay in a relationship = playerrette!:run: