SATURDAY'S THREE FOR ONE!

[MOBLEYC57]

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] KIDS! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: \"Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow.\"

The second one says: \"Ha! You think that`s fast? My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet.\"

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: \"You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45.\"


[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] MORE KIDS! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

A little boy walks into his parents\' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, \"What were you and Dad doing?\"

The mother replies \"Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.\"

\"You\'re wasting your time,\" said the boy.

\"Why is that?\" asked his mom, puzzled.

\"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.\"


[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] BACKWARDS AMERICANS! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R & R, he caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.

Could I please sit in that seat?\" he asked. The lady was insulted. \"You bloody Americans are so rude!\" she said. \"Can\'t you see my dog is sitting there!!?\" He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.

\"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down,\" he said. The lady replied, \"You Americans are not only rude, but you are bloody arrogant too!\"

He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, \"Lady, I\'ve been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog!?\" The lady replied, \"You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also bloody obnoxious!\"

With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless. An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up.

\"Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady\'s description or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong! You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong bit#h out of the window!!!\"


I wish I was an Oscar Myers weeenerrrrrr! So everyone would be in love with meeeeeeeee!
Got\'a dog I can borrow? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

[Andy]

Hey Mobes ... fork in the wrong hand ?

[MOBLEYC57]

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Hey Mobes ... fork in the wrong hand ?

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I promise you Andy...that\'s exactly what the joke said. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] I didn\'t change a thang! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[MysteriousMan]

</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
</font><blockquote><font class=\"small\">Quote:</font><hr />
Hey Mobes ... fork in the wrong hand ?

<hr /></blockquote><font class=\"post\">

I promise you Andy...that\'s exactly what the joke said. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] I didn\'t change a thang! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

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North american people don\'t know that their way to use a fork has to to be explained to others in the world.

MM

[Andy]

I still don\'t get it ... but I am using my fork like surgical hardware anyway. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[MysteriousMan]

Hi everybody,

Assume you eat some meat with a fork and a knife. All over the world you hold the meat with the fork in the left hand and cut with the knife in the right hand.

When successful, an ordinary and practical thinking man starts to eat, which means he takes the piece of meat more or less straight to the mouth, depending how much he has drunk.

Not so the homo americanensis: Instead of eating, he takes the fork from the left hand into the right hand, eats, and passes the fork back from the right hand to the left one.

And as you can see in this thread, homo americanensis thinks this is the most natural way to do it. Don\'t tease him, he hasn\'t learned better.

MM

[Sexyredhead]

Well, at least *some* of us have high enough mental capacity to switch back and forth as needed. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

How \'bout keeping one hand in your lap while eating? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[MysteriousMan]

How do you do when you use a fork and a knife?

[Sexyredhead]

How do we keep one hand in our laps? Well, you only bring your left hand up to switch the fork over when you\'re using the knife, and when you\'re done, the left hand goes back in the lap.

I know, it makes no sense. I got in trouble in Germany for not having both hands visible. I kept hearing my mom\'s voice in my head telling me to put my hand back in my lap! lol I adapted, but it took a few tries.

[MOBLEYC57]

ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! If you\'re gonna start a feud in the humor section over humor....I\'m gonna stop sharing! Who cares what hand you use as long as the ending product is.....FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH! Helloooooo! Kissy Kissy and make up? Nutin butt luv feryous!!! Hoping you\'re having/had a peeeeeeeeeceful day! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[Andy]

I am always holding my fork in the right hand. But I am eating with both hands visible, the left hand is the permanent cutting tool holder (most preferable a knife, scissors might work, but they don\'t look that good). Looks like my technique is either \"mirrored european style\" or \"extended american style\". [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]